I looked down at my feet, my chacos barely visible underneath the patches of wildflowers and ferns. I could no longer see any visible trail, just the forest floor covering the hill. I lifted myself higher as I stepped onto a fallen tree, but even attempting to get higher, did no help for my visibility. The trail seemed to have overgrown with the change of season. Little white flowers spotted the ground covering broken and dead branches from winter’s loss. The sun glittered through the trees, scattering light across my gaze.
I looked back at my feet again and pondered direction. Direction of my life. Direction of my passions. Direction of my story. Thinking on the feeling of loss the past several months. Losing pieces of a story I thought I could live and having to build a new form of understanding of what story I am meant to live. Life has a funny way of directing you in ways you did not originally intend. Social media tries to convince you that your life is lacking something, but in reality, we create lack where our weaknesses lie. We cover up our issues with blaming circumstance and burying our hurt. We let our lives spin in the direction of our environment, until one morning we wake up and wonder what we need to change. The need for more clarity in ourselves is always present as each passing season brings new understanding.
I stood in the rays of the sun trying to find clarity in myself. To allow my thoughts to ease. The gentle breeze of the woods whispered softly and eased my soul. There are many seasons that come in life where we feel lost. After surgery, I was feeling lost. After every appointment that sends me home in tears, I feel lost. In the little acreage of woods, I felt lost. I took a look at the brush I had already walked through, and the brush I would have to walk through to get to the promise of a trail. Realizing that is simply how life is sometimes. Sometimes I am overwhelmed walking where there is no path. Where there is no clear understanding of where I am supposed to be. It can lead to confusion, or it can lead to opportunity.
I thought my health had wiped out every path I possibly could walk down. It set fire to going to graduate school in the Fall and it blazed right through any hope of hopping on a plane to anywhere but here. But it led to greater opportunity. It gave space for me to truly understand the healing process and to focus on my passions. It slowed life for me to write countless letters to the man who holds my heart. And it opened doors to be a freelance writer. Without the feeling of being lost, those paths may never have surfaced.
I trekked through the brush to soon find the overgrown trail shadowed by the wildflowers and ferns. I thanked God for my journey and accepted that this is exactly where I am meant to be. Even through the seasons of loss and confusion, there is great opportunity. You only have to get a little lost to truly slow down and enjoy the beauty of it. So slow down, and watch the beauty fill your understanding with patience and love, all the while knowing that this is exactly where you are meant to be.
Love and Light,