I rolled the bottle in my hand, thinking about the time I was first prescribed the medication. My body was breaking apart at the time, and it seemed I was handed a new medication every time I went into a doctor’s office. I was constantly stressed out, eating very little, and was watching myself waste away in the mirror. I felt terribly alone in my struggle and worried that things may never get better.
At the time, my hope was very little. Yet, as I rolled the bottle in my hand, I felt an era end. I carefully placed the medication into the trash, simply letting old seasons go with the expiration date. It was not just my medication that expired though, I realized I was tired of visual reminders of college, owning things I did not love, and was finally ready to get rid of visual and mental reminders.
I looked to my closet and soon began piling every item I owned on the bed. Marie Condo, who writes The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up believes that the things we own hold energy. They either fill us with joy or pain. By holding each item in your hand, you will know whether the item will bring you happiness. I held each item in my hand, and tossed what no longer served me. Items from high-school through my college years were collecting in a large bag behind me. I did two rounds of this before I was finally ready to put things back in their place.
As I folded and rearranged, I realized I felt better. I let little tears slip out as a signal of relief and to leave it in the past. It took an expiration date and a book to help me fully realize the things in my life that were no longer serving me. I had so many things that my body would physically wince at seeing. I could remember who I was with when I bought an item, what event I wore a certain outfit to, and even when I got complimented or insulted about something. The items were physical reminders that I no longer needed, and that I truly no longer wanted.
Moving has a way of opening up opportunity for moving forward. It gives fresh eyes and understanding to past and future seasons. As Fern has been busy at his last days of work, I have been packing up all of our belongings. Items that no longer serve us will be left behind for others to enjoy, while other items will play the game of tetris with the car. Somehow, most of our supplies have been depleted, which helps the packing process all the more.
In two days, we leave Montana where our lives will once again take a shift. It seems uncertain, yet wildly beautiful. Life will look vastly different with Spring here, but we are more than ready for the ride. Are you?
Love and Light,