What They Did Not Know

I have stared many doctors and specialists in the eye about my deteriorating body, but there was something they did not know, and what I did not think to tell. Something that many doctors and well-intended mothers hoped would save their daughters from a greater danger. Yet, it is what the pharmaceutical company sought to…

A Year Ago I Had Surgery

I woke up this morning with a strange feeling on my heart. As I turned to look at the calendar, I realized that today is March 3rd. A year ago I spent the morning in the hospital, under bright lights and the careful hands of a surgeon. She carefully removed a breast tumor that caused much…

The Pattern of Recovery

I focused on the pattern of my movements as we slowly walked along the trail. Suddenly the trees looked strange as my head felt dizzy. So I paused to breath in deeply and wait for the fog in my body to pass. I suddenly looked up to see a young stag standing still upon the hill….

Seeing With Clarity

I blinked open my eyes for the first time in a week to see clarity. Before everything was blurry and disfigured, but now I saw vivid details and bright lights. With two eyes looking forward I could see, and I felt all the years of explaining myself come to a close. On September 12th, I spent…

Just Open Your Eyes

I swung softly in a hammock with my computer on my lap. Staring at the blank page before me. Waiting for the emotions to come through to the page. Looking at past reflections of myself and recognizing the gift of hardship. The kind of hardship that teaches you to be stronger, wiser, and more understanding of…

Warriors of Wanderlust

The rain steadily fell from the sky, slowly soaking the crowd huddled beneath the aged maple tree. I watched with careful attention to the stir of voices, excited laughs, and the silence of those who came alone. I looked up at the arch, the words boldly displayed the internal desires of almost everyone there. The one…

Learn To Trust Your Own Bones

The morning was soft and quiet. The gentle hum of the birds whirled near the window as the wind moved gently through the leaves. I stared out across the valley, watching the haze of the sky gently kiss the mountains. The cat swirled at my feet, gently nudging me. Perhaps gently reminding me that I…

Carry Me When I’m Broken

I looked up at the sun sprinkling its gaze upon the forest floor. My eyes started to blur with tears as the pain became too much. My steps pitter pattered to a slow pace as I could barely walk. My muscles were giving up on me. As much as I wanted to take in all…

Paint Splotches Underneath My Skin

“We’ll get you all fixed up so you can go out and do great things”, the nurse said with a smile. I looked at my mother trying to muster up my courage before the blurred outline of the surgical center faded to black, as my body settled under anesthesia. I awoke in a mix of giggles and…

There Was Never a Promise that Life Would Be Easy

Rain pelted the windshield as I drove in the darkness of night. Tears streamed down my face, blurring a clear understanding of the road. Perhaps the unwritten metaphor of my current existence. I was overwhelmed by the hardships of life. Aching in pain from grief, and from the pain that rippled through my own body….

The Mountain in Me

I let the momentum carry me until all I could see were the wisps of clouds moving slowly across the light blue sky. Just before the moment the chains in suspension carried my weight back to the view of the earth. I moved my legs back and forth to swing myself up once more to…

Patience in Healing

“You’re doing great Bethany, hang in there”. The lights blared my vision as my hands held tightly onto one another in support.  My vision could only see the meticulous focus of the surgeon and the other end of the needle. “When I count to three it will take a tissue sample ok?” “Ok”, I respond, trying…